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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Friday, 30 September 2011

The missing unfeasibly large spider, a lack of walls and a mystical Co-op

I just re-read my last post and realised that the part about the unfeasibly large spider somehow got deleted. Is there a word limit on these things? How strange. Anyway, the unfeasibly large spider of the previous title was sitting above my television as I wrote that post, almost daring me to do something about it. It was the size of my hand and I really was too tired to do anything about it. I did manage to catch it, or one of its friends and put it out - anything that large living in my house needs to leave, pay rent, or start helping out with the chores. However, its friends/it are now enjoying running across the carpet at night and hiding behind DS2's toys. I feel this is a battle I may not win. I do hate wood spiders though, they are not inconspicous things like lovely little money spiders - they have brown hairy legs and big googly eyes and are HUGE! It's a struggle to get them in the insect catcher without them losing a leg, which seems a bit harsh as they don't deserve to lose a limb just for being unwanted visitors.

In other news, I've worked out DS2s seemingly strange behaviour - its walls! The reason he is so happy to be miles away from me when we're outside is that there are no walls, whereas at home if I go in the other room there are walls between us. He seems to just like to do his thing and know that he can come and get me whenever he wants to. Which I suppose is fair enough. His graze on his nose is almost healed now, although yesterday he fell in a prickly bush, so he now has some scratches/splinters on his hands. Oh well, another week, another injury....

As expected the yelling with DS1 began in earnest on Monday night - we'd spent the day together as 1 day a half term I do home-ed, so we'd had a lovely day learning about swan migration. Nonetheless, straight after tea the bad behaviour began - ignoring me, not doing what he was asked, doing the opposite. Even though I know its coming I'm still always shocked by it, which is really stupid as I just end up getting much more angry/upset than I really need to be. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I think that if I talk with him about what he feels enough when he comes home, and give him enough attention (hence the one-to-one home-ed day) then this time it won't happen - which is b*****ks, and yet I can't quite seem to give up that hope. I'm sure we'd all be much happier if I did, then DS1 could just get on with his yelling and I wouldn't feel bad for yelling back, or disappointed because it had happened again. I shall try to be less hopeful!

This week I have managed to finish my children's story, so I'm feeling very pleased with myself. There's one verse that I'm not totally happy with the rhyme on but its almost there. I've found the best way to write is with something inane on mute on the television - Bargain Hunt seems to work well, and currently I have The Wright Stuff on in the background. Used to have a huge crush on Matthew Wright when DS1 was little - that show was often my only experience of intelligent adult conversation for weeks! Am off to a book festival for work this weekend, so maybe I can pounce on some unsuspecting publishers with my efforts - though I expect that isn't the way to go about it. DS2 and Mum are coming with me so the four hour journey down there should be a giggle. Still, money is money and I do love my job, so it'll all be worth it.

I have finally found the H Rd Co-op - I am so excited by this, as this shop has become something of a Holy Grail.  It's probably a dull story to anyone but me, but I shall tell it anyway: I'd heard people talk about the H Rd Co-op, and how good it was, but I couldn't ever work out where in my small market town the thing was, even though everyone else - even people that had just moved here seemed to know it well. I kept getting it confused with the other Co-ops - we have at least 3 that I know of. Every day I'd think, 'I must go and find that shortcut to the H Rd Co-op that everyone has told me about and I've still not found' and to this day, I still haven't had time. So it's sort of become a symbol of the lack of time to do the things I want in my life, hence the obsession. Anyway, about a week ago, just by chance out of the corner of my eye, I was driving around and I saw the sign "H Rd" - I was far more excited by this road sign than any sane person should be. I took a quick look down the road as I went past but couldn't see anything that looked like a shop. Then a couple of mornings later, was taking DS2 to the childminders and there was a big Somerfield van parked down there, so I peered a bit more closely and there it was! I now knew where the H Rd Co-op was after 5 years of living here - a small but significant victory. Turns out it's quite close to my Ballet Class, so when DS2 kindly went off to sleep early, I nipped out as soon as GN arrived to babysit, and took those extra few minutes to walk all the way up to it -  only got to the door before I had to turn round to get to my class on time, but you never know, one day, maybe someday, I might even go in...

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