Irresponsiblity, sexting and public displays of affection

Okay, here's the thing.. it's not that I want to blog about the intimate details of my new found sex life - 'cause that's probably more information than anyone needs - but I do want to share my thoughts about it, which requires a little information at least, so apologies up front to the easily embarrassed! So, whilst attempting not to be too explicit, here is the Dreads update:

It is now two weeks since Dreads and I started sleeping together - but I've only actually seen him the once since the first time. The thing is though, it feels like much more than that, because despite the fact this is entirely casual (he regularly reminds me that he is my 'sex toy' - his words! - and not my boyfriend) he texts and FBs me whenever he can. To be honest, I can't remember when I had a boyfriend this attentive, and I kind of like it.

Okay, 80% of it is sex talk, but in between all of that he's really supportive of my music, interested in my work and my spirituality, wants to be involved in that, and wants to learn from me, so it feels like we connect on a different level as well. For me, I think, if we didn't then I wouldn't want to sleep with him quite so much, because even if it is just sex, I can't imagine being turned on by someone that wasn't interesting in themselves, or was completely uninterested in me. I guess for me its really true what they say about the brain being the biggest sexual organ - and unless that's engaged it's just not happening for me.

So, sex and friendship it is - but as a friend said to me recently "Surely that's all any relationship is?" But is it? See, what I like about Dreads is that I get all the attention and he makes me feel great but I have none of the commitment, the obligation, the day to day stuff that I think can sometimes kill relationships. You know, the having to visit his mother, or arguing who'll put the bins out, or paying the bills, that kind of thing. I know all that kind of thing is necessary if you are in a proper relationship with someone, because you share a life and so there are practical considerations about how you organise that and have an equal division of labour. But that stuff isn't sexy is it? I'm aware this may well sound shallow and immature, but that's sort of how I feel like being - hence sleeping with the 20 year old I guess!

Dreads and the return of sex

So... out with the 42 year old solitary guitarist completely incapable of communicating emotion and in with the 20 year old front man of a thrash metal rock band who just wants to get laid?... yeah, that'll work... maybe....

Would be great if it were that simple, wouldn't it? Anyway, rewind, let me introduce you to Dreads...

So Dreads, is said 20 year old.. with an amazing head of dreads down to his waist.. hence the pseudonym. I first met him back in September at the gig I had after the first night Crush 2.0 stayed over. The gig was actually a competition and we were the only two competitors that night. I really liked him when I met him - not fancied him, just knew he was 'our kind of person' - chatted about him with Crush 2.0 on FB when I got home that night and posted him the video of one of his songs... Crush 2.0 liked him too. I did invite him then to come along to an open mic, but I didn't manage to find him on FB, found his band, but turns out his stage name isn't his real name...  his real name is infinitely more mundane... think I might suggest he goes with Dreads!! He says when he first met me that night I seemed a bit innocent and a bit floaty... I did explain I'd been seriously hungover and had barely slept and was in a place of going 'WTF was that???' after spending my first 24 hrs with Crush 2.0. He thought that was very funny given his impression of my innocence. He also thought I was about 28... get in!!! Good to know that even hungover and half asleep I can still pull off looking 12 years younger than I am!!!

Of parenting fails, facebook friends and the absence of sex

So, you know when you have a post that no one seems really interested in but you kind of need to carry on on the same theme for your own sanity? That'll be what this is then.

The last couple of days have been a bit of a daze. In fact most of the time since last Thursday have been a bit of a daze - I've just noticed it more the last two as I've had to get DS1 up and out for school. They have been a daze because of my aforementioned obsession with Crush 2.0  - and I don't use the word obsession lightly - I have been thinking about him ALL the time. And sometimes Crush the 1st too, but more of that later.

As a result these have been my epic parenting fails:

1. Two days packed lunches unmade, had to send in money for school dinners
2. One day DS1 wearing damp jumper to school as didn't get the washing on
3. One day DS2 going to childminders without his bag
4. Several days of eating utter shite for tea
5. One day of totally failing to prep for important work meetings
6. Much yelling at small children because of running late and them not appreciating the urgency that I was entirely responsible for creating.
7. Today, being so late (because of failure to prep) that had to drop DS1 at school gate with not quite enough money for lunch.

It was number 7 there that really pulled me up. I always see him into class, I've never left him at the gate - his little worried face as I drove away was enough to break anyone's heart. I felt like the worst mother in the world. It was probably, though, the kick in the face I needed to at least make some sort of attempt to snap out of this dreamworld.

That was the point I had to stop and ask myself this question: "Why the hell am I failing to function properly just because of some bloke?" It is fucking ridiculous when you stop and think about it, because I've barely had a conversation with him, let alone anything else. Here is my attempt to answer that: