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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Of Crush 2.0: The 'is he interested?' vote - you decide!

Right, readers, I need your opinion - I'm going to give you the Crush 2.0 update, and I need to know in your experience, do these seem like the actions of someone a/interested in me? or b/just being friendly?

It was all so much easier with Crush the First, it was absolutely, definitely a one way thing: I liked him, he barely noticed my existence. You know where you stand with that.
Crush 2.0 is a whole different ball game. He actually interacts with me and takes an interest and has a laugh with me. This is a whole lot less safe than my crush on Crush the First, which I knew was going nowhere. If Crush 2.0 is interested and not just being friendly, then here's a man that I seem to have a lot in common with, I really click with, I have a laugh with and I think is FAF. That, scarily, sounds like a relationship that might, actually, dare I say it.... work? Aaaarrrgghhh!!! (That'll be the sound of me running terrified for the hills)
This is why I need your expertise, if this is going to happen, might as well start facing my fears in advance - they might take a while to get over!

So is it
a/oh yes he really does fancy you ATOmum or
b/get over yourself woman.

Voting comments open at the end of this post....

Here are the facts:

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Of parenting fails, facebook friends and the absence of sex

So, you know when you have a post that no one seems really interested in but you kind of need to carry on on the same theme for your own sanity? That'll be what this is then.

The last couple of days have been a bit of a daze. In fact most of the time since last Thursday have been a bit of a daze - I've just noticed it more the last two as I've had to get DS1 up and out for school. They have been a daze because of my aforementioned obsession with Crush 2.0  - and I don't use the word obsession lightly - I have been thinking about him ALL the time. And sometimes Crush the 1st too, but more of that later.

As a result these have been my epic parenting fails:

1. Two days packed lunches unmade, had to send in money for school dinners
2. One day DS1 wearing damp jumper to school as didn't get the washing on
3. One day DS2 going to childminders without his bag
4. Several days of eating utter shite for tea
5. One day of totally failing to prep for important work meetings
6. Much yelling at small children because of running late and them not appreciating the urgency that I was entirely responsible for creating.
7. Today, being so late (because of failure to prep) that had to drop DS1 at school gate with not quite enough money for lunch.

It was number 7 there that really pulled me up. I always see him into class, I've never left him at the gate - his little worried face as I drove away was enough to break anyone's heart. I felt like the worst mother in the world. It was probably, though, the kick in the face I needed to at least make some sort of attempt to snap out of this dreamworld.

That was the point I had to stop and ask myself this question: "Why the hell am I failing to function properly just because of some bloke?" It is fucking ridiculous when you stop and think about it, because I've barely had a conversation with him, let alone anything else. Here is my attempt to answer that:

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Of a change in Crushes

Regular followers of this blog may have noticed that I haven't mentioned Crush for a while. (New followers can catch up on the story of my obsession here)  I have genuinely been meaning to do an update for a while, but having spent the last 48 hours obsessing over Crush 2.0 - oh yes, there's a new man in town - I feel I should at least complete the Crush the First story.

So,  I think the last time I blogged about Crush, I was asking for suggestions as to what I should do when I saw him at a local gig that me and the school run Mums were going to. Well, he ended up cancelling that gig, so any advice offered - and thanks to those that did - was, sadly, purely academic. I had a short bout of paranoia thinking maybe he was just going to extreme lengths to avoid me, but a quick cyber stalk revealed he did, in fact, have some pretty major career helping commitments elsewhere, so clearly my obsession hadn't disturbed him that much - yet. Anyway, as it turned out, I didn't end up seeing him at all until a couple of weeks ago when I took the kids to a local music day he was playing at. I'd promised DS1 if Crush was ever playing during the day then I'd take them, as they do really like his album, and this looked like it was going to be the only opportunity.

It was a strange day as DS1 was at his dad's that weekend, so it meant him coming back from there a bit early, and somehow or other that ended up turning into another 'two families' afternoon, i.e. me, the ex, the ex's new kid, DS1 and DS2 all hanging out together. We'd had our first 'two families' day back at the end of May when the ex's wife had come along too - we went to an open day at a local farm so there were loads of activities, which I thought would be a good thing for everyone to focus on, instead of it all being completely weird. What I hadn't counted on was running into someone I hadn't seen for about 20 years and having to say this:
"Oh, I'm sorry, I should do some introductions, this is my son, DS1, and this is his dad, and this is his wife and their son, and this is my donor-conceived son, DS2"
Fortunately, my old friend was polite enough not to say "WTF happened to you in the last 20 years?!" - because that really is the only sensible response on hearing that.
You can see why then, I was pretty pleased when the ex said he and new kid had to go before Crush was on. It was bad enough having to do that introduction with an old friend, can't imagine how excruciating it would've been having to do that with Crush.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Of my first ever Blogging Award!

I am so excited to have been nominated for a Versatile Blogger award by the fabulous Recipe Junkie - thank you, thank you, thank you! - my first ever blogging award, I shall wear my badge with pride and here it is!

Please do go and check out Recipe Junkie's brilliant blog - although I will warn you, have good food nearby, 'cause just reading those recipes makes my mouth water!

So here are the rules of the award

1. Thank the Blogger who nominated you
2. Include a link to their site
3. Include the award image to your post
4. Include the award image to your blog
5. Give 7 random facts about yourself
6. Nominate 15 other Bloggers for the award, including links to their sites
7. Let those bloggers know they have been nominated

So seven random facts about myself - tough for an anonymous blogger without outing myself, but I'll give it a go:

1. I once trained as a rugby referee

2. I once met the Icelandic president

3. The only word I can say in Flemish is 'a bit'

4. I had never made a lasagne until tonight

5. As a student, I got very drunk at a party and gushed at the then 19 year old Sacha Baron Cohen that I thought he was the best actor of our generation

6. My most ridiculous crush ever was on Jimmy Cagney - he was very dead and had been very married - but I loved him!

7. I was on Songs of Praise when I was 7, playing the recorder

So now to nominate my other Bloggers.  No pressure to do anything with this if you don't want to - just know that I appreciate you all :)

So, firstly, the bloggers whose blogs and tweets keep me laughing and realising I'm not the only one: Ministry of Mum, Trouble Doubled and Mother Venting  - loving your work!

The Vegetarian Experience - my go to place when I need some veggie food inspiration!

The lovely Adele at Circus Queen, who blogs brilliantly and helpfully about breastfeeding - a particular passion of mine

Inky Mum - because if you haven't seen a cartoon blog, you really should - and it's great

Midlife Single Mum - a fellow 'choice' mum, who is definitely worth a read and posts some beautiful images too

That's all for now - I'll have a think about my other 8 and get back to you....

Thanks again Recipe!