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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

A whole new chapter....

So, I haven't blogged for about 6 weeks - my longest gap since I started! And why? Well, certainly there's been a bit more work going on that I've had to keep my eye on, but mostly its the incredible, amazing entity known here affectionately as Dreads... who I also now call my boyfriend.. as weird as that kind of still sounds. So, you want an update? Here goes....

At my last post we'd only been sleeping together a couple of weeks and I was due to see him at the open mic that Thursday and was saying I wasn't sure how to behave with him in public. Well, he soon cleared that up, kissed me hello when I arrived and by the end of the night we were sat up the front, holding hands and singing along to everyone. There followed another great weekend of hanging out together, having fun, talking, and lots of sex. That was the weekend that he said to me 'Look we're friends now right? And that means if you ever need anything you just call me okay? Even if its 3am and you just want a cuddle then call me and if I can I'll be there'. So that Monday morning, with the snow piled up outside I asked him if he'd come with me on the school run, because I was terrified of getting stuck in the snow alone with two kids. And he did, and ended up coming to toddler group with me and DS2 - which freaked the living shit out of him, but he still did it, god love him.

Then the next weekend he came round again, and we did another open mic, and more holding hands and generally acting like a couple in public, while still totally denying to ourselves that it was anything like that. We took the kids to the park in the rain and we all had such a laugh together and I saw DS1 really relax and jump in muddy puddles just like DS2 always loves to. Then on the Monday I had to work and my childminder called to say she was ill, and so I looked at Dreads and thought: 'Well, gonna have to test that 'if you ever need anything' thing'. So Dreads looked after DS2 so I could go to work, and even managed to change a nappy - although he had to text all his band members to share the trauma! That night we sat and had tea with the kids, and it was really lovely - he's so great with them, but not in an in-your-face way.

Anyway, the next day I got up and took the kids to school and came back to him and I was a bit tearful, just because it was all too much - it was great but too great for something that wasn't a relationship, and I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Dreads saw that I was upset and I told him I was just a bit tired and overwhelmed, and he said to me: "Why don't we take a picnic and go to the boat? Would that make you feel better?" And although I should've said "No, because that would be even more like a relationship and even harder to take when it ends",  I didn't, I said yes. So, we had a lovely day, walking along the river and through the woods, with him carrying me over the mud, and sitting on his boat eating instant pasta pots and drinking tea out of the only clean cup.

The next weekend he stayed,  we somehow acknowledged to each other in an almost-casual conversation that this did appear to be more than just 'sex and friendship', but that we were both happy being in denial about that for a while longer. That 'while' only lasted a couple of weeks really, before we decided we could call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and I couldn't help it, I told him I thought I loved him. He said he felt the same way, but even so I still expected him not to come back from work that night, still expected him to run away. But he didn't run away, he did come back and he said to me that although he'd only said 'I feel the same' it was just because he was saving those three little words for the perfect time, when I'd remember them.

And the next week when I was lying in his arms and we were just talking he looked into my eyes and said 'I love you', and it was perfect, and any pretence either of us had about this not being a relationship just melted away.

So for two, maybe three weeks, its been official!! I even changed my Facebook relationship status to 'in a relationship' for the first time since I've been on Facebook - which was weird. It still feels strange - strange for being in a relationship, but also because its unlike any relationship if I've ever known. Dreads is there for me, 100%, he'll do whatever he can to make me happy. He helps with the kids, he babysits for me if I need to work or want to go out, he does the washing up, and on top of all of that he's clever and funny and talented and just the best friend and lover a girl could ever wish for, and I feel so lucky every day.  When we're together I forget there's such an age gap, because it just doesn't feel that way, its just us. I guess you don't chose who you fall in love with, and I certainly didn't plan this, but it is what it is... and what it is is great.

So come on then ladies and gents, I am all loved up right now, so I'd love to hear about the great and unexpected loves of your lives... do share!


  1. nothing unexpected in my love life, ever, apart from the bad 'uns unfortunately, but I LOVED reading this. So glad life is so good. Long may it last xxx

  2. Aww, thanks love - and yep I've got everything crossed that it lasts!! xx