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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Name dropping to myself on a Lucozade high...

The problem with drinking Lucozade late at night, when your mind is still spinning from a run in with an arse of a headmaster, is that your brain ends up trying to distract you at 3am by going through a list of famous people you have known.

Or perhaps that is just me.

I think it was the Lucozade anyway.

An Oxbridge education and a short career in stand up has meant that watching panel shows for me is like watching a parade of people I once knew a bit. I mean, imagine if a whole load of people you vaguely knew at some earlier point in your life just moved into your living room. It is freaky. I've sort of got used to it over the years though. At this very moment I've got an ex on BBC3, someone I once shared a stage with on BBC2 and a friend of a friend hanging out on ITV.

I wonder if this is the fate of many state school kids who end up at Oxbridge. A state school education can get you into these ivory towers, but if you're anything like me, you have no idea how to relate to people when you do. It is literally another world. Then you're spat out the other end of it with your Oxbridge degree and anyone who finds out (I tend not to offer the information) usually makes a whole load of false assumptions about you, that you then have to compete with just to be yourself. For me, this meant I ended up feeling like I never really fitted in anywhere - but in fairness, that was probably my experience before I went to university as well...

I remember hearing about a study that was carried out because so many people were coming out of these prestigious places with serious mental health issues. Essentially the theory they were testing was 'Does Oxbridge f*** you up, or do more f***ed up people go there?' The conclusion was that Oxbridge f***s you up - good to know.  It does however, provide some vaguely interesting brain fodder for a 3am Lucozade buzz

Here was the list I came up with:

  • I once got very drunk at an after show party and tracked down a young Sacha Baron Cohen to tell him I thought he was the best actor I'd ever seen. He said thank you. I wandered off to spout my unrequested opinions to someone else.
  • I once appeared on stage in nothing but my underwear with David Mitchell. I hasten to add this was in front of a paying audience. Actually, that doesn't make it any better does it?
  • Another drunken evening (there's a theme developing here) spent with Johnny Vegas after a gig at the Talk of London, putting the world to rights about the importance of developing new talent. The ex I was with at the time is now bessie mates with him after that first meeting - whereas if I'm remembered at all, it's probably as that strange old girlfriend of his who talked a lot more when drunk.
  • A slightly less drunk evening spent in a pub in Camden with Stewart Lee - can't remember if it was pre or post Jerry Springer. I found a cardigan which I still have. I have a habit of developing my wardrobe from clothing I find discarded in random places. I still love Stewart Lee.
This was the point at which I bored myself to sleep. If I was any good at networking I probably would not be sitting here blogging in front of The X Factor. I'm quite glad I'm not though - I really don't have the temperament for fame.

Instead, I have found a cure for Lucozade induced insomnia: listing my spectacularly dull celebrity encounters in order of increasing inanity - and I hadn't even got to sitting in pubs with Ross Noble and Marcus Brigstocke being vaguely polite to me because I was 'girlfriend of'.

Still, good to have something in reserve, you never know when you might need it, I mean, there's still that arse of a headmaster, and half a bottle of Lucozade to finish... oh the glamour.


  1. Dont get me started! I once told brian may he was "wonderful" on a particularly starstruck occasion when i worked as an usherette in a theatre his partner anita dobson was appearing in. cringe..... mr mitchel seems cool though, wouldnt mind meeting him.

  2. Oh my god, I'd totally forgotten until you said that about the people I met ushering - and bizarrely David Mitchell and Rob Webb were both ushers at the same theatre at the time - that's where an Oxbridge education really gets you!! When I see David on TV, I always think he's just as I remember him - and how it suits him much better now, whereas at 19 he seemed a bit old for his years. Cool guy though, always nice, but didn't suffer fools gladly, as you can imagine!

  3. Ushering is fun for meeting folk! Yes, he does seem comfortable in himself. Must be weird seeing people you have known on TV. I am s Midlands girl and not one single person I went to school or uni with went on to be famous..even though I did Performing Arts... Oxbridge definately opens doors.
    Not sure I'd want that fame lifestyle though...?!

  4. It is a bit strange - its going into overdrive at the moment with the amount of festive panel shows on the tv! I think Oxbridge probably opens doors for people who would've known how to find them anyway - and I don't think I'd put myself in that category. You probably need to start off somewhere a bit posher than the local comprehensive I went to! I'm with you on not wanting the fame lifestyle though, seems like an awful lot of stress and intrusion, not sure I'd cope!