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I’m a once-single mum of two boys (4 and 8) who was ‘attempting the ordinary’ after conceiving my second son by donor. I'm now married and pregnant and its complicated - again. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Festive excretions... not to be read by the squeamish!

<best tannoy voice>
"We apologise for the interruption in your blogging service, but your blogger has been unavoidably detained by tending to the consequences of a variety of bodily excretions"

There's nothing like clearing vomit covered sheets and soiled pyjama bottoms to make you feel extra Christmassy is there?!


It's been a crazy couple of weeks anyway, with all the usual Christmas madness  - and with our Christmas being on the 23rd (DS1 is off to his Dad's on 24th) it's meant two days less to get everything done. So it was with sheer joy that I received the phone call from DS1's dad on Monday afternoon, to ask if I could come and get DS1 because he - i.e. his dad - had thrown up and was now too ill to drive. He said "I was really ill over the weekend but I thought I'd be better today".

You just wouldn't would you? If you'd been sick and you had the choice, you'd let your kid stay away rather than risk them getting sick just before Christmas - or AIBU? Anyway, "No problem" I said, because that is the only way to deal with him. However, at midnight that night when DS2 threw up the swearing at him began. Having cleared those sheets, this was then followed shortly by DS1 waking up to say he thought he  'wasn't alright' and the smell made me check his pyjamas to find it smeared all over. Nice. There followed more swearing. And a lot of washing. Deck the halls with lots of laundry, fa la la la etc.

DS2's nappies have continued to explode over the last couple of days but no more vomit, so we are thankful for small mercies. Although he more than makes up for it with snot - which at least, being green, is a festive colour.

We managed to get through almost a whole day today without having to clear any major explosions, but then the DC-05 struck. I was trying to get the hoover round quickly while the kids were playing, when my ancient Dyson decided I had not been joining in the festive excreting, and snapped shut on my little finger, taking a significant chunk of skin with it. Lots of swearing, lots of blood - still not stopping, but again, at least it's a festive colour. Mix it with DS1's snot and we may not need the tinsel we still haven't got round to putting up.

Didn't realise how much I used my little finger - not least of all for taking DS2 off when he gets a bit bitey when he's feeding - so I get an added 'ouch' for the same injury. What a Christmas treat. Also, makes typing a bit of a challenge, so I think I'll be off now before the plaster gives up and I bleed on to the keyboard.

Happy holidays everyone...

4 comments:

  1. Nice! We've had the same x4. My laundry mountain now appears on the ordance survey map...

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  2. x4 is not good - its bad enough with 2! - I feel your pain Dilly!

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  3. I thought that "festive" excretions might have edible glitter in them that has "passed through" :-)

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  4. That would've made it at least a bit more entertaining! Might get some in, just so I can dissolve it in water and feed it to the kids when they are next ill... ;-)

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