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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Of unending tiredness...

I was awake at 5am this morning - despite being completely knackered, and the fact that it was 4am in real, before-the-clocks-went-forward time. Here is the thought that, ironically, kept me awake:

"Will there come a day, ever again, when I can honestly say, 'I'm not tired'?"

I am so fed up with always being completely shattered, never feeling like I have enough energy to even get off the sofa. To add to this, recently I've started getting random aches in things: my big toe, which puts paid to my Thursday nights out dancing, and now my wrist, which I am ignoring, because my body can fuck off if it thinks I'm giving up the guitar playing as well - a girl's got to have some creative outlet!

The problem is, I've been putting off going to the doctor about this because every single mum I speak to is always tired too, so I have no point of reference as to whether mine is worse or just the same as everyone else's. There are lots of reasons mine could be worse: I have low thyroid function, so maybe my thyroxine dose needs putting up; I'm a single mum so in theory that's harder work (still not convinced!);  I'm still breastfeeding and that's pretty draining; I've just got back from holiday and before that had two days of DS1 being off sick.

These are all things I know the doctor will say if I do go - after he says 'oh you again' as the boys have been visiting on a pretty much weekly basis since Christmas, with a variety of rashes, infections and viruses. Niceties over, we will then engage in what I like to call the merry thyroid dance, which I and a variety of doctors have strutted our stuff to, on an almost annual basis since I was diagnosed. It goes like this:

1. I get sent for a thyroid blood test
2. It comes back showing I'm within the normal range
3. I go back to say, 'well, yes, but I still feel rubbish', and we have the 'well normal is different depending where you are in the country' discussion (yes really!)
4. They reluctantly agree to up my dose
5. I feel better again
6. They do another blood test and discover that yes, I am, still in the normal range
7. Everyone is happy.

At least that's how it usually goes.

Having said that, I normally feel useless as well as tired when my thyroid is low, and I haven't been feeling much more useless than normal recently. Or maybe I have, it's difficult to remember through this haze of tiredness, which is currently much worse on the back of DS1's illness and the holiday. We had a lovely time - god bless Park Resorts and Sun Holiday Vouchers - but all the packing, unpacking, washing etc has completely wiped me out.

So, I'm off to try to find the energy to lift a phone to get an appointment and find out if there is anything wrong with me - or if it is just the normal state of being if your list of job titles includes 'Mum' - but I'd love to know how it is for you? Do you have any top tips for keeping your energy up, or are you struggling to make it out of bed every day like me?


  1. Oh my goodness, yes, I am always tired, I think it goes with the territory. I do find I am better if I am getting regular exercise (dog walking) and if I can set my mindset to positive - the Husband and I sometimes have these terribly depressing conversations "How are you?" "Knackered/bushed/ whacked. You?" "Same" - and I think it makes us feel tireder. Even managing to answer "OK" seems to improve it, but I sometimes don't have the energy to force myself to think like that.

    THAT SAID - I think there are degrees to this and while my tiredness is the result of the relentnessness of life with small children, working and trying to have a social life etc, yours does sounds like there's more to it. I hope you get an appointment and can sort it out.

    1. Thanks Recipe! I think you're right about the exercise, which is why the pain in my toe is so annoying, as my doctors advice on that was to rest!! I think it is probably sensible to get myself properly checked out - although forgot about 'only bookable on the day' appointments at the doctors, so will be taking my chances with phone queueing next time DS2 is at the childminders!