Sounds dramatic, but DS1's dad is not the most stable of human beings, and if he found out what I really thought of him I'm not sure his ego would take it and we could well end up back in court. Long story, that I will share at some point, but suffice to say, I'm not putting either of the boys through that again. Also, I need to work to keep a roof over our heads, and quite frankly, if my RL name was linked to this blog, I'm not sure I'd carry on getting the work I do. (And I don't think the ATOmum book deal is on its way to take up the slack any time soon!!)
So why blog at all if there's a risk of losing your kids and your livelihood? Well, this is kind of for my kids too. I have to have an outlet. If you've been following this blog since I started - or if you've got a spare lifetime to check out the early posts - then you'll know there was a lot of yelling that went on. There is still quite a bit of yelling, but less than there was and I like to think this blog has been something to do with that. This is the place where I say the stuff that, for a whole host of reasons, I can't say in RL. Only two people in RL know that ATOmum and me are one and the same - one I see regularly and one who I only ever run into online now - but I do trust them both pretty much implicitly, so that feels okay. They are probably the only people in my life that I can be all of me with. Love you guys, if you're reading this - which I seriously doubt you are, both far too busy in real life to keep up with my endless musings.
When I was younger, I used to rail against the fact that I couldn't be all of myself with everyone. I used to be one of those really annoying hippy types that had the self-righteous attitude of: 'Well if I can't be everything I am with you, then there must be something wrong with you'. Now I just think that's bullshit - a selfish excuse for chucking all your crap at people and ignoring their feelings. Multiple personalities are a part of life, here are some of mine:
- School Run Me: the slightly unusual single mum who swings between shy, sociable and militant
- Work Me: professional, efficient, good with kids
- At Home Me: tired, shouty, giggly, cuddly, usually attached to computer/guitar when not in kitchen
- Facebook Me: friendly, sympathetic, supportive to everyone, rarely complains
- ATOmum: self-obsessed and a bit ranty
Those are the main ones I'm inhabiting at the moment although I now have a RL Twitter account -well I have to follow Crush somewhere! It's strange as it's part Work Me and part Facebook Me. It has to be both those things as it's my name, which is all over the internet for work purposes, and Facebook reliably informs me that 'I'm the only person with my name on Facebook' - cool, but annoying if you want to pass off something as 'Oh no, that must have been another ATOmum'. I'm therefore having to be very careful which twitter account I'm signed into before I retweet something that would shock the sensibilities of my RL followers - you guys, of course, know me better. So far the two accounts are quite amusing to compare - RL Twitter is the swan and ATOmum Twitter is the legs paddling furiously underneath. This morning all is cheery over on RL Twitter (not least because Crush retweeted one of my tweets!!). On @attemptingTO however, it is this:
"Haven't smoked in 10 years but if I did, I'd be lighting up around now #oneofthosemornings"
So, I'm off to put 'Work Me' personality hat on - how about you? Which of your many personalities will you mostly be exhibiting today?