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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Friday, 4 January 2013

Dreads and the return of sex

So... out with the 42 year old solitary guitarist completely incapable of communicating emotion and in with the 20 year old front man of a thrash metal rock band who just wants to get laid?... yeah, that'll work... maybe....

Would be great if it were that simple, wouldn't it? Anyway, rewind, let me introduce you to Dreads...

So Dreads, is said 20 year old.. with an amazing head of dreads down to his waist.. hence the pseudonym. I first met him back in September at the gig I had after the first night Crush 2.0 stayed over. The gig was actually a competition and we were the only two competitors that night. I really liked him when I met him - not fancied him, just knew he was 'our kind of person' - chatted about him with Crush 2.0 on FB when I got home that night and posted him the video of one of his songs... Crush 2.0 liked him too. I did invite him then to come along to an open mic, but I didn't manage to find him on FB, found his band, but turns out his stage name isn't his real name...  his real name is infinitely more mundane... think I might suggest he goes with Dreads!! He says when he first met me that night I seemed a bit innocent and a bit floaty... I did explain I'd been seriously hungover and had barely slept and was in a place of going 'WTF was that???' after spending my first 24 hrs with Crush 2.0. He thought that was very funny given his impression of my innocence. He also thought I was about 28... get in!!! Good to know that even hungover and half asleep I can still pull off looking 12 years younger than I am!!!

So, after my last post (and C2BM's gig was great by the way) there was another Crush 2.0 Open Mic on the Thursday, which was okay  - and Crush 2.0 seemed on good form and wasn't unfriendly.. just not what it was, as I guess it won't ever be. But as usual it was good to see all my friends and I did a really good set. My favourite comment ever from a friend who said "You've got an amazing voice when you relax"... here's to more relaxing!

Anyway, that Saturday was the final of the competition, which both me and Dreads were in. In theory it was a foregone conclusion that I should've won. Firstly, because last time they'd asked the audience who they wanted to win, and I'd packed the pub with my friends (place would've been seriously empty without them!) and secondly, because I was the only one of the acts that had made an effort to get people to vote for me on the FBsite, and thirdly because at least three of the competitors (including Dreads) wouldn't have known that they were in the final had I not let them know about it through FB... at the request of the landlord of the pub.. so they kind of owed me. However, clearly that didn't get through to the judges, who decided this time not to ask the audience (thanks for letting me know eh guys??) and the three acts that I'd let know about it came in 1st, 2nd and 3rd... sometimes being honourable sucks.

Dreads won, despite being slightly off his face (although that seemed to work for the last winner too at the previous final... which was the 'Mutual Friends drunk boyfriend' at the gig I talked about back here - seems like a lifetime ago).  Anyway Dreads is a pretty good guitarist, and is loud, funny and hugely charismatic, so I guess I didn't stand a chance. Despite the not winning however, it was a great night.. lovely to have lots of friends supporting me and to get chatting with Dreads again, who is just brilliant in so many ways... and he got me up to sing with him when he won, which was kind of sweet. So, end of the night, me and some friends were going back to mine to drink whisky, and since I'd been chatting to Dreads about whisky drinking earlier I thought 'why not invite him too?'. So I did.
He, and all my friends, say I clearly wanted him at that point... and I genuinely don't remember that being on my mind, but maybe my subconcious sends signals all of its own!

So, we all went back to mine and drunk more whisky than was sensible, and played guitars and sang.. and eventually my friend that was staying went to bed, and my friends that weren't staying went, and me and Dreads ended up drinking some more, and then snogging, and then.. well... you can imagine the rest...

I was very very drunk, but.. OH... MY... GOD!!!!  I'd forgotten how great sex is!!! I mean, it's been years, so I guess it was always going to be great, but even so, I'm seriously making a mental note not to go without for that long again!! And somewhere in the midst of all this, we did have this conversation:
Dreads: "So, are you going to want this to be a relationship then?"
Me: *laughs*
Dreads: "Cool.. but we can still do this again, right?"
Me: "Ohhhh yes"
Important to be clear about these things I think!

So, by mutual agreement, I now have what I believe one calls a 'Friend with Benefits', who is half my age. Put that alongside with the fact that when the kids met him the next morning, their first comment was: 'That's not Crush 2.0' and I think I'm definitely in the running for Mother of the Year don't you think??!!

Dreads was fully aware of the Crush 2.0 situation before this comment, fortunately, so just thought it was funny ... though quite how I managed to communicate that in between all the drinking and the sex I don't know, but clearly I did. Anyway, felt horribly guilty about kids waking up to someone they'd never met in the house, but my school friend, who was staying too, pointed out that actually he was great with them and friendly and why would that be damaging to them? She has a point, he was lovely with them...  and why wouldn't he be great with them? He's closer to their age than mine!!!!

So, since Saturday we've chatted on FB... my FB chat windows have never seen quite so much sex talk... I'll never look at it in quite the same way again!! And last night, got lots of texts when I was at the Open Mic.. C2BM was taking the piss out of me because he knows the situation, and I think Crush 2.0 may have noticed a bit.. well I was sat right near him, and you can't help the look on your face when you get one of those texts can you??

It was weird though, Crush 2.0 is still being very arms length with pretty much everyone, not just me, and I got quite sad about it this morning. Because as great as Dreads is, in the end, sex with a hot 20 year old is cool, but it's not quite as cool as the man you love coming round to cook for you and drink with you and put the world to rights. Or maybe it is, but just in a different way.

I have to be careful with myself with Dreads, because as well as being hot, he is also intelligent and kind and caring - and the kind of conversations I have with him between all the sex talk are so similar to the ones I would have with Crush 2.0. It's like talking to a younger, unguarded version of Crush 2.0, that the world hasn't got round to screwing over yet. Dreads has had a pretty charmed life and there's something so refreshing about not having to deal with other people's hang ups. He says he'll come to an Open Mic with me at some point and that will be weird for them to meet.. Dreads take on Crush 2.0 is "Tbh, he sounds like a bit of a knob".. and I'm not sure that'll change on meeting him, because Crush 2.0 is clearly so closed off to people and I'm not sure Dreads has got any time for that, because he says "It's like he thinks he's better than everyone else". It'll be interesting if it happens anyway.

For now, he's coming over Saturday... although I can't find anyone to have the kids which is a bit frustrating, but hey, they'll be asleep and we'll have to be quiet.. worked last time! Just the thought of him does make me smile and we have a really good time together, so despite the age gap and the fact that it is just sex, I kind of think it's a good thing...

 But what do you think? Is this hugely inappropriate? Am I a terrible mother?? Let the judging commence.... *trembles in the corner*


  1. Bad mummy, indeed! Great post, and good for you. Enjoy it. You're right, it might not last, but who cares? I think you're a great mum and your boys sound very well-balanced, so why not? You won't get any bad comments from me.

    1. Thank you love!! And yes, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts... Saturday was great and he wants to come over again, so looks like it's going to last a little while at least!!