I have no concept how that last post can be four years ago. Or how I put up with that hell for so long. I guess, in the end, I really loved Dreads, no matter how aggressive he got, no matter how he manipulated me and the children, I always assumed that 'underneath all that' there was a good person. In the end, 'underneath all that' was nothing. He was shallow. Everything was for show. Everything was to appear like a good person without ever putting in the effort to actually be one. Writing that I realise that 'Underneath all that' is a phrase my parents used throughout my childhood to excuse people's bad behaviour - actually not just people, my brothers. My parents are no longer really a part of our lives.
Anyway, one day I'll maybe talk about the horrible detail, but I'm back here today because I so desperately feel the need to be in a place where I can talk honestly, take the piss out of things, be me, without judgement - even if no one is listening any more!
So... the headlines:
Had an awesome baby girl, she's now 3
Discovered we're all autistic - yay! - life makes a whole lot more fucking sense now - or more accurately there's an explanation as to why it doesn't make sense. And the title 'Attempting the Ordinary' seems even more relevant...
Dreads fucked off with a woman half my age with no commitments and now won't even tell me where he is.
Oh yeah, and had brief fling with C2BM earlier in the year, we still chat on messenger, I miss him.
Dreads not so much. I miss what I thought he was, but that was never real. But hey, you read about him so you know what I thought he was and you can see why I thought that was pretty awesome right?
So, that's the update, kind of too knackered to write anymore right now, but thought maybe I'd see if anyone was still here listening. Tell me what you've been up to the last four years eh? Speak soon xxx