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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Of saying goodbye to summer...

There's a real back-to-school feeling in this house. Not just for DS1, who is whinging about next week already, but for me too. It has been an amazing summer. It has been the summer of Crush 2.0 absolutely, but it's been so much more than that - some sparked by him, some just me...

It's been the summer when I had male friends again, when a world that had been completely full of mums and children for so long suddenly opened up.
It's been a time when I've had fun, real fun, for the first time in a very very long time.
It's been a time when I've remembered I'm an artist, and that that used to mean something to me, and maybe it's starting to again
It's been a time when I've realised that maybe the me that I was with DS1's dad was not as completely stupid and naive as I'd come to think she was. That maybe I didn't need to throw out the baby with the bath water.
It's been a time when I've been intellectually challenged again, by the books Crush 2.0 has introduced me to.
It's been a time when I've been creative and I've written song after song after song.
It's been a time when I've let go completely of the notion of tidying and cleaning and just enjoyed my time with my kids.
It's been a time when I've let go of thinking 'I must do xxx for the kids sake' and just done stuff for me.
It's been a time when I've developed new business contacts.
It's been a time when I've deepened friendships with mum friends that were previously just another face in the playground.
It's been a time when I've let go of the dream of having another child.

With the start of school again, it feels like the end of that chapter.  I know it's only the end of the first chapter of a whole new novel, but it still feels like an ending and I shall miss it.

Going out as much as I have been will become harder and more tiring when we've all got to be up and out of the house well before nine every morning. I know I'll have to work harder if I'm going to earn some money - I won't have the excuse of the kids being at home all the time anymore (DS2 is also going to pre-school an extra day a week). Through September and October there is a lot of travelling and weekend work I have to do and that's going to knock out a lot of free time too. Basically, the glorious summer of playing is about to end, and the hard work is about to begin... back to school...

There will still be fun. I will still have my friends, there will still be Open Mic nights, and there will still be Facebook to chat to people in between, but it won't be quite the laid back, chilled out playground it has been while the sun has shone. I was thinking the other day how odd it is that 'Old Guy' from this post about Crush the First all those months ago, is actually now someone I'd call a friend and I pass comment with on FB most days. In fact, of all my new friends, he's the only one I've told about DS2 being donor conceived - not that I've hidden it from the others, just didn't come up in conversation. It's strange how things change isn't it? Anyway the point is, that now, the fun will have to fit around the ordinary, boring, day to day stuff of life, which I have somehow managed to push to the margins for most of the summer.

I shall miss it. I know things have to move on and change, but sometimes you just want to hold on to them for just a day, a week, a month more, even though you know it's impossible.

So, do you have that back-to-school feeling? What will you miss about the summer?


  1. Lovely post! I will miss the lazy lie in's, the cuddles on tap and the laughing. What I won't miss is the mess, the fighting and the constant 'I'm hungry'!

    1. Thank you! Yep, as cute as it is, I won't miss DS2 wandering into the kitchen every other minute with his plaintive cry of "I want biscuits and more Thomas" !!

  2. I probably shouldn't leave a comment about the summer holidays or going back to school tonight as I'm not in a good mood, but I am truly really pleased to read this and to hear someone being positive - sounds like you've built some good foundations over the summer so although things will change you won't really lose it & you'll have more support over the next few weeks when things are feeling . I'll be more cheerful tomorrow (maybe) so I might leave you my thoughts about the hols then. Blue being worried already about being in a class with a former tormentor after a year apart is not helping things :-(

  3. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. My friend had a similar situation with her son last year, and for him the year apart and a better teacher meant the situation was much easier than they'd thought it would be - hope it works out that way for Blue xx