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Single autistic mother of three awesome autistic kids. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Friday, 21 September 2012

Slog, Og and a belated blog

Wow, that was a long time without blogging - sorry! I entirely missed my one year bloggiversary - my first post was all about the first day of term last year - its a bit rubbish to be so distracted you miss your own birthday isn't it??

The thing is, I appear to have suddenly developed - and I'm not quite sure how to say this - a 'real' life. This is probably a good thing - people have visited my house and everything - it is, however, a bit odd. I have this friend, who checks in on me just to say hi, most days, I have visitors, I have people I confide in, not just a blog I confide in. This hasn't been my life since before I had DS1 pretty much, and I sort of wonder what I've been doing these last 7 years.

If you'd have told me a year ago, when I started this blog, that this would be my life now. That I would be regularly staying out til 1am and beyond, with a bunch of people whose homes I had an open invitation to, who would come round to see me, who would welcome and include my kids in our little gang, and who knew all my songs to sing along to when we went to open mic nights or had parties... well I think I'd probably have told you that I wasn't 20 years old anymore and not to be so bloody ridiculous. To be honest, if you'd have told me that three months ago, I'd have thought you were a little unhinged.

The OMC... kind of... in my head

But despite its seeming implausibility, that is, nonetheless, my life at the moment. Crush 2.0 says that his Open Mic nights aren't about the music, they're about the people... we just happen to play some music along the way. More importantly, he doesn't just say it, he makes it happen... and because he is sooo good at what he does (all gorgeousness and general perfection aside) my life has changed immeasurably.

I think a few weeks ago, I probably interacted more with Crush 2.0 than anyone else in my life, and its probably still a pretty close call, but actually now I'd say I spend at least as much time with the rest of the 'open mic crew' - lets call them OMC, I'm going to be all about the acronyms this post.

So, in the OMC (are you loving it yet?) there's a couple who live on a boat in our town, and whenever I take the kids down for a walk on the river and they're there, we always wave at them, and then they always invite us on for a cup of tea. The kids love it, it's the most exciting thing that's happened to them in ages as far as they're concerned! - and DS1 has now decided that when he and his betrothed (don't worry, he's told me they're not getting married until they're 18, and not having children until they're 20) finally marry, they will live on a boat together - and she has agreed. Bless.

Then there are my closest buddies in the OMC (I think its working for me): the aforementioned Old Guy and his mate - my new best friend - who, for want of a better name I'm going to call Slightly Less Old Guy  (and if you do happen to be reading this, I think SLOG is as good an acronym as any so no complaining okay???). SLOG and OG are great - they make me laugh a lot and they are hugely supportive and such good friends. It reminds me of when I was about 17 and I had two male best mates, and it was one of the happiest times in my life. Rarely if the three of us spent time together would it end on the same day, and we just had such a good time together, and sometimes, when its me, Slog and Og, I get that feeling again, and its brilliant. What's weird is that at my first Open Mic night, back in November, Og was there and Slog was filming it, so we had been going to open mics together for almost 8 months before we actually even got talking - all thanks to the amazing people skills of Mr Crush 2.0 - can't thank him enough.

It's so great to have some male company, I've been really aware that it's been one of the things missing in my life for a really long time, and I just love it. When I was younger I always used to say that the reason I always had male best friends was because I didn't really 'get' women... and I actually think that is probably still true - none of my female close friendships have ever worked out, I've always ended up feeling betrayed - and actually quite justifiably so. I'm hopeful of my new female friendships, but wary.
With guys, I feel I relax more, I'm more me, more the me I really am, not the 'nice' me I feel I have to be around most women. I don't know where that comes from, maybe its growing up with two brothers. Until I was 8 there was just me and my two older brothers, and maybe that's why having two blokes around feels so comfortable - its like I'm a little kid again and its just my little family, its like I'm home.
I think childhood sort of went for me when my little brother and sister arrived - suddenly I was given lots of responsibility, looking after them - so I couldn't just go off and play anymore like I used to, and that sort of separated me from my brothers, because they weren't given that responsibility. I went very quickly from being the one that my brothers would be told to entertain by playing with me, to being the one that had to do the entertaining and the looking after, and I'm not sure I ever really got past the shock of that. Although it's only as I'm writing this that I realise that. It sure is therapeutic this blogging lark eh? *wipes away small tear*

Slog and Og are away at the moment,  recording some music with some friends - Slog still phones a couple of times a day though which is cool - and it allows them to keep up to date with the ongoing Crush 2.0 saga. What?? You didn't honestly think that I'd get through a whole blog without telling you the latest instalment do you? However, for those of you in the, 'this is getting boring, just tell him for fucks sake' camp, I am installing a Crush 2.0 warning klaxon, it looks like this:


I think that should just about do it, right? Good, you have been warned, if you don't want to know, just fuck off to the last paragraph - okay? So, for those of you that are still with me.....

It's been a strange old couple of weeks on the Crush 2.0 front. About two weeks ago his ex was there at one of the nights - she'd started showing her face more generally - and Crush 2.0 made a point of saying hello to her - mid song -when she came in and then said "That's called investment". This is pretty unusual, normally he doesn't really talk to her at all, so I started thinking maybe they were back together. Then I saw them saying goodbye, and to me it really looked like more than just friends - kind of hard to be a witness to anyway. Strangely though, after that and she'd gone,  he stayed chatting to me until about 1am - we shared some food, he brought some wine - talk about mixed signals!! Anyway, I took the first hints instead of the last ones, and decided to step back from it a bit - and wrote a great song about the whole thing, which was kind of me making my peace with it, accepting he was hung up on her and nothing was likely to happen with us over and above friendship. (Which is kind of how Og found it, because he was round mine working on songs with me and he asked me directly if that song was about Crush 2.0, and I'm a shit liar!).
Inevitably, once I'd give up on the whole thing suddenly Crush 2.0 is all over me like a rash on FB chat again, so I'm even more confused. And then last weekend happened, which was just surreal.
One of the OMC (it's all sounding a bit MTV to me now) had a party at her house and me and the kids stayed over, so I didn't have to worry about a babysitter. Crush 2.0 had said he couldn't go, but suddenly there he was - bit of a modus operandi for him it would seem. It was a great party, everyone had a great time and stayed up until stupid o'clock in the morning, singing, jamming, putting the world to rights - good times!
Next morning, Slog had stayed over too and so had Crush 2.0 - the kids were up only a few hours after everyone had gone to sleep and took great joy in going into the room where Crush 2.0 was asleep on the sofa and saying loudly 'There's someone asleep in here, who is it Mummy?' I don't think he was amused.
My ex turned up to pick up DS1 for his Dad weekend - which was a surreal 'worlds colliding' moment if I have ever experienced one. Slog is pretty good with awkward situations and did affable host duties. Crush 2.0 took that moment to vacate the sofa and disappear to his car, so DS1's Dad and him only nodded in passing as they left. Just weird all round.
After they'd gone, our friend whose house it was made us all breakfast.  So there we were sitting over boiled eggs and toast: her, me, DS2, Crush 2.0 and Slog, like the strange little family that we kind of are. I love seeing Crush 2.0 and DS2 together, they sort of suit each other... both in their own little worlds but occasionally stopping to be fascinated with one another. (As an aside had a strange moment the other night when I realised that Crush 2.0 is not entirely dissimilar looking to DS2s donor - again, in the, 'just weird' category).
That afternoon Crush 2.0 had a gig a bit of a drive from there, that I'd said I'd go to, after dropping DS2 at my sister's, which was on the way. He went on ahead and by the time I'd done the drop off I'd actually missed his set, so we went to the pub instead, with our lovely friend, who I shall call Miss J (she is a granny, but she is fabulous and thoroughly deserves the 'Miss' title - she was the friend who'd come along to that gig near my parents at the beginning of the summer I blogged about here.) It was such a great afternoon, our first proper chat in ages, like we properly re-connected - it even came out in conversation that DS2 was donor-conceived, which he was really fascinated by, was asking loads of questions! Anyway, it was so much fun I kept putting off going to get DS2 and then I decided I couldn't put it off any longer and was going to get him and take him for chips on the beach... and Crush 2.0 sort of invited himself and Miss J along too. Guess, he didn't want the afternoon to end either - Miss J says he said to her in the car "You two have really made my day" - why doesn't he admit that stuff to me eh?? That aside, the result of this was that last Sunday afternoon, Crush 2.0 and Miss J were sat on my sister's sofa, chatting away to my nephews, nieces, sister and brother-in-law, having a cup of tea as we waited for DS2 to finish his tea. Again, just weird - liked I'd stepped into this parallel life where Crush 2.0 meeting my family was perfectly normal.
We said goodbye to my family and then all went down to the pub on the beach to have chips, and sat outside chatting, with DS2 pottering around. He started to get a bit tetchy and a sweet couple sitting next to us who we'd got chatting to gave him a musical toy and said 'Can you play that for mummy and daddy?' Neither Crush 2.0 or me commented or corrected them. See.  Just surreal.
Eventually we decided we really should hit the road, I said goodnight to Crush 2.0, and gave Miss J a lift home. Miss J and I were chatting in the car about Crush 2.0 and his ex and how weird all that was, and she said to me, entirely unprompted, "I think you two would make a great couple". So, of course, I had to tell her, because as I've said, I'm a shit liar. Hence, now, pretty much the entire OMC know (when you include the other mutual friends I told when I was drunk - remember this one?) that I like him, and that all my new songs are about him. Everyone except him that is, or if he does, he's certainly not letting on. Makes singing those songs at his Open Mic nights take on a whole new level of entertainment for at least half the room!

Since then I've pretty much chatted every day on FB with Crush 2.0 - its back to the sort of intensity it was a few weeks ago, before his ex started showing her face. The big news, coming off that though, is that I actually have INVITED HIM ROUND!!!, for some business advice (long story) and... HE HAS AGREED....and suggested he pay me (for said business advice) by COOKING FOR ME!!!! I mean, come on, it does sound at least a bit like a date right???? He went on a mission for ingredients (again, long story) and now tells me he has them and has promised that at some point, in the next two weeks, he will come over. This is about as much as Crush 2.0 can ever be pinned down to times I have discovered. I tried to get him to be more specific as I was saying goodnight at the open mic last night. Me, him and a couple of other mutual friends had hung around after everyone had gone - singing, playing and taking the piss out of each other - but at 1.30am, staring down a 7am school run, I really had to go.
So as I said goodbye I said, 'So, when are you going to come round and cook for me?"
His response? Hugged me goodbye and said "Don't worry, it'll be worth the wait".
My response? "It fucking better be".
I genuinely couldn't say if either of us were still talking about the meal.


Welcome back to those of you that left us a page ago!!!

So, apologies for the lack of posting... I'd like to say I'll try to do better, but lets face it, its pretty unlikely - but please do come and play with me on Twitter - I will be drinking gin/whisky and exhibiting great parenting qualities as usual.  And, of course, if I finally do get the man in my house, I promise you an almost full blow by blow account of the goings on (only 'almost' because there may be things I want to leave to your imaginations... if I'm lucky!!!)

In entirely unrelated news, I'm going to try to get DS2 out of his bedside cot in my room and into his own bed in DS1s bedroom... nothing to do with Crush 2.0s impending visit, oh no, no, no, I don't know how you could possibly think that.... but if you do want to share any particularly non-textbook reasons that led you to deciding your little ones were ready for the next stage, I'd love to hear.... ;)


  1. Great update :-) - I read it all. Avidly!

  2. Thank you! will try not to make it too long until the next installment!! :)

  3. Wow what a busy time you've had! Sounds like you are loving life :) Strangely, I discovered why I never really hit it off with men just as friends - my only sibling was a girl. Thanks for enlightening me!

    1. It has been a bit crazy, but definitely loving it! ... and glad to be of service!!